dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
