Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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