We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
