I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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