Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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