Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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