I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
