if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
