it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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