I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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