seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You have to summon your inner elephant
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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