i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
