Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
