I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
