We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
