scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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