get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
