your parents love me but you hate me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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