were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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