Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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