I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
time to smoke my breakfast
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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