I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
