Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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