remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
