I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
