OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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