If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
