good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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