Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
