I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
