the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
