my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
