i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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