Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
