shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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