i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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