Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
