Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love you. Go after that dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
