It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
