He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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