Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
