dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
