I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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