Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
