Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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