Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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