great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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