I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what day is it and did you see me today?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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