k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
