we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
pray to the hookup gods
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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