Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had to cum in my sink.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
