don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
