glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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