I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
