their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
