wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
