After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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