Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
