and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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