There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
