"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
