you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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