i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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