Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
