Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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