I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
