I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
