So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to make a zoo with you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
