Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
