I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
