Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
