i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
