just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
