I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
