Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
