I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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