saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize