just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
