Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
