Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
