I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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