just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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