This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
