4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
