you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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