i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
