don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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